When Fans Go Bad!: The Les Mis Version
by Andi de Tarauger
Summary: Insanity. Utter, total insanity - plus SPIT, pink lacy togas, parallel universes, almighty Authors, random portals, bad singing, and more. Oh yeah, and Les Mis, too.
1. Author's Notes: Andi's Insane Ramblings

~*~When Fans Go Bad!: The Les Mis Version~*~  
  
(Or: A Game for Bored Young Girls to Play)  
  
~*~ By Mrs. Enjolras (Andi) and Mrs. Grantaire (just kidding, Mori!) ~*~  
  
I. Author's Notes, or: The Best Thing Andi's Ever Written  
  
Before I say anything...I just want to make sure y'all know that I am in no way taking credit for Les Mis. It is Victor Hugo's amazing work, and the wonderful work of those bloody lucky people who did the musical. I would also like to plead utter and complete insanity. There, now you can't sue me! =P  
  
And you don't have to read all this...'tis only my insane ramblings! =D Feel free to skim it and go on to the good stuff! ^.~  
  
Anyway...greetings to everyone! *cheerful wave* My name's Andi.well, my pen name and most common nickname is Andi. *g* I'm a high school gal from Maryland, prone to random fits of depression and hyperness, at odd intervals. I am totally in love with Enjolras (whom I insist on calling Enjie, and not Enjy, just 'cause I like being a rebel =P) and tend to spout random Les Mis lyrics in the middle of a conversation. Needless to say, this has motivated many of my friends to start Anti Les Mis clubs, and us few, proud, Miz-ers must stand alone in the world that doesn't understand obsession! *sobs* Aside from Les Mis-loving and Enjie-worshipping, my hobbies are writing, reading, drawing, karate, skiing, playing tennis, chatting (AIM: Yung Meiyan), and going on the LOTR Fanatics Plaza (www.lotrplaza.com ...really worth checking out! I go by Rilmerien). Aside from Les Mis, I obsess over The Matrix, anime, and The Lord of the Rings. Mori's pretty much the same as me *g* I'll ask her to get a little bio thingy together later.  
  
*ahem* Anyway...a few things need explaining before I get started.  
  
1. Andi = me. Mori = Mori (er, yeah, that helps...). Anyway, we're best friends who have known each other 9 years. Now, I describe Mori as having black eyes that sometimes glow blue, and long black hair. I describe myself as having a long braid (which alters colors on occasion, but is generally a medium-ish brown) and green eyes. Neither of these descriptions are true. Hey, we're using pen names, you think we'll describe our RL selves? *g* Anyway, if you want to see RL pics, e-mail me...if you're really nice and if I'm in a good mood, I just might send them to you. ^.~  
  
2. Re the title of said fic: Well, in case you didn't know this, Mori and I are totally insane. We make up crazy nicknames for each other that no one else gets, have more inside jokes than I could count on both hands and feet, and we co-write crazy fics about our obsession-of-the-moment. Our best one (so far) was called When Fans Go Bad! (yes, with the exclamation point!), and it was a LOTR fic. It was actually very good...for a crazy, plotless fic written by two crazily hyper teenage girls. Anyway, we soon followed it up with When Fans Go Even Worse! (yes, also with the exclamation point! which Mori insists on leaving out sometimes...) WFGEW! is a work in progress (i.e., a work that will never be finished unless lazy Andi gets off her arse and writes the next part), and will be finished... er ...sometime before 2004. That's all I'm promising ^^;;; Anyway, the WFGB!: The Les Mis Version seemed kinda appropriate...and I need not remind you that the second part comes from *sigh* Enjie's "Is this simply a game for rich young boys to play" line.  
  
3. Mori and I have odd habits. We put ourselves in all our crazyfics, as the two Almighty Authors. We have supreme power, and expect to be respected for it...but, obviously, the chars have different ideas. *sigh* No respect for authority (pun - heehee) these days. ;;; We also use tons of inside jokes. I'll do my best to explain them all at the beginning of each chapter.  
  
4. Yes, I know this is damned long. Live widdit. =P And I really don't have anything to say anymore, except... be afraid. Be very afraid. And everything just HAS to have a number 4. ^.^  
  
One more thing - if you have the time, please take a peek at my Les Mis diary - mis-erable.diaryland.com (with the http at the beginning, which won't show up, for some reason ¬¬;;). It's got very little stuff on it so far, but I'd like it if you could look anyway ^^ OK, I'm REALLY done now. *g* Enjoy the insanity, you poor innocent souls, and remember to r/r! ^.~  
  
Peace out,  
  
~ Andikins ~ 


	2. Prologue: The Insanity Begins

~*~ When Fans Go Bad!: The Les Mis Version ~*~*~  
  
(Or: A Game for Bored Young Girls to Play)  
  
~*~ By Mrs. Enjolras (Andi) and Mrs. Gavroche? (LOL, don't blame me for Mori's lack of bubblegummy tendencies!) ~*~  
  
A/N: Once again, I do not own Les Mis or the charries, though I wish I did (some of them, at least - *coughcoughEnjiecoughcough*). I plead insanity, hyperness, and boredom - as well as a really deep desire to write a Les Mis humorfic. =D  
  
Anyway, as promised, explanations of inside jokes...SPIT is not, as many insist, spit, as in saliva. That's just wrong. ;;; It is an acronym for Snapple Peach Iced Tea...my drink-of-choice, as essential to me as alcohol to Grantaire - seriously! And my favorite character IS Enjolras, but I have habits of getting into fights with all my favorite chars whenever we write fics like this. *g* The stick thing goes a bit far back...Mori was drawing a pic of Andi (the character, not me, LOL), and she drew her leaning on a stick. Once I saw the pic, I said, "I have a stick!" Mori replied, "You have a stick!" This went on for about 10 minutes, so now the stick and I are inextricably linked.  
  
Also, you can't deny that Enjie looks so much better than Enjy. At least to me. *g* And I'll usually shy away from slashy fics.Enjie/Grantaire seems to disturb me more than anything else (no offense, Enjie/R shippers...just not my style). Anyway.this entire first part was written by me. *proud look* Enjoy! ^.~  
  
~ Andikins ~  
  
II. Prologue, or: It's all Andi's Fault!  
  
A thoughtful-looking figure was sitting cross-legged in the middle of nowhere. No, really, it was the middle of nowhere. There was a tree right above the figure, and everything else was covered in dark mist. There seemed to be several spaces in the mist, where possible chambers or people were...  
  
The figure was tall and slender, with black hair and eyes. She was bending over something and writing out words on a scroll thoughtfully, speaking aloud as she wrote. This figure was none other than...Mori, the Second Author!  
  
Where are we? Well, it's kind of a long story. You won't believe it...it's too odd.  
  
Well, I guess the real question is, how did we get here? If I even know where "here" is. It was all because of Andi, of course. Andi and her SPIT...I swear, that girl is uncontrollable. Ridiculous tendencies, she has...and, of course, one of them has to go and get us all stuck up here.  
  
*poof* HEY!!! What are you telling these people, Mori?  
  
Er...the truth?  
  
The tall brunette - or Andi, the First Author - glared at Mori. It was NOT all my fault! How dare you put such ideas in those poor, innocent people's heads?  
  
It WAS all your fault, Andi! You and your SPIT!!  
  
Hey, I didn't see YOU exactly staying away from the bottle!  
  
"Bottle?" Both authors jumped as Grantaire materialized from the mist. "Did someone mention a bottle?"  
  
Not THAT kind of bottle, fool! Andi pulled out an (empty) bottle of SPIT and shoved it in Capital-R's face. SPIT! Not alcohol!  
  
"Eh? What's this?" Grantaire looked at the bottle, too drunk to read it, and muttered something about absinthe before passing out.  
  
"What is this? UNDERAGE DRINKING???" Javert ran in, waving a large stick madly. "I'LL HAVE YOU FOR THIS!!!!"  
  
For the last time, number one - it is NOT alcoholic; number two - even if it was I am the author, I can do what I want; and number three - that is MY stick! Andi grabbed the stick from Javert and knocked him out with it.  
  
Mori, meanwhile, had gone back to her writing. This had not escaped Andi's attention. AND NO MORE FEEDING YOUR LIES TO THE AUDIENCE!!!  
  
They're not lies! It WAS all your fault!  
  
Was not!!!  
  
Was too!!!  
  
Was not!!!  
  
Was too!!!  
  
"HEY!!!" Enjolras suddenly appeared between the two authors, who were now shooting death glares at each other. "STOP FIGHTING!! I am so sick of you two fighting.it will solve nothing, and it gives me a headache!"  
  
At the sight of the blonde revolutionary, Andi instantly calmed down. Of course we'll stop, Enjie darling! Mori rolled her eyes.  
  
Enjolras groaned. "STOP calling me that stupid nickname! It makes me sound like a fluffy dog or something!" Both authors snorted, and Enjolras glared at them.  
  
Andi grinned evilly. The day I stop calling you Enjie, dear, is the day I slash you with Grantaire.  
  
Enjolras paled. "Y - you wouldn't..."  
  
Andi laughed evilly. I'm the author! There is nothing I won't dare!  
  
"Hey, that's MY line!"  
  
Shut UP, Valjean!  
  
"What's all this noise?" A head popped out from in the middle of the mist - Joly's. "Who's yelling? Yelling's bad for my health..."  
  
All the interruptions were starting to anger Andi, who was about to yell, but Mori interjected. I was just writing up what happened...so we can show everyone how we got here.  
  
"Ah, right." Joly nodded. "It was all Andi's fault, wasn't it?"  
  
AAARGH!!!! Enjolras and Mori stifled laughs, as Andi threw her bottle of SPIT at Joly's head, knocking him out. IT WAS NOT MY FAULT!!!  
  
"All right, maybe you're not ENTIRELY to blame for getting us here," Enjolras admitted, stepping forward. "But you can't deny that many of your actions DID lead to it."  
  
Watch it, Enjie! growled Andi. I don't need anyone else blaming me!  
  
"I am NOT blaming you! I'm stating the truth!"  
  
Damn your warnings, damn your lies!  
  
"How DARE you steal my lines???"  
  
HEY!!!!!!!!!!! Enjolras and Andi instantly stopped and turned to look at Mori. Can we get back to the point here?  
  
Point? "Point?" Enjie and Andi asked simultaneously. Mori waved her scroll and pen pointedly. "Ahhhh." Ahhhh.  
  
Anyway...if you'll let me get back to writing the story? WITHOUT interruptions from revolutionaries, crazy fellow authors, drunkards, hypochondriacs, and crazed law officers?  
  
"I RESENT THAT!!!" A smack from Andi's stick shut Javert up again.  
  
Fine, we'll go. Come on, Enjie.  
  
"Don't call me Enjie!!!"  
  
Andi and Enjolras walked away, still fighting, and Mori let out a sigh of relief. Sitting down and leaning against the tree, she took up her pen again.  
  
Well, here's how it all began... 


	3. Chapter One: We're the Authors! We can d...

~*~*~*~ When Fans Go Bad!: The Les Mis Version ~*~*~*~  
  
(Or: A Game for Bored Young Girls to Play)  
  
~*~ By Mrs. Enjolras (Andi) and Mrs. Mori (OK, no more bubblegum for Mori!) ~*~  
  
A/N: Y'know, I think all of these are going to be by me...get used to it! =P Anyway...Mori wrote the beginning. Obviously. *g* Let me just assure everyone that I take pride in greatly exaggerating my love for Enjolras. I am definitely NOT this bubblegummy, nor this obsessive. I act it, but I'm really not. Keep that in mind. ^^;;; Anyway, Eru is the God from LOTR. And the "meanwhile, back at the ranch" phrase really isn't meant to be an inside joke, but it's better understood if you've read The Reptile Room by Lemony Snicket. And an oddlook is, quite obviously, an odd look. It's an odd practice we have, to make it one word. ^^; So, as usual, read, enjoy, and review!  
  
~Andi the Not-as-Bubblegummy-as-She-Seems~  
  
III. Chapter One, or: Reviving the Enjies  
  
It was a warm, sunny day. Many would also call it happy, but then, "most" does not mean "all". One such exception was a certain brunette. And, naturally, the only solution to a problem such as this was to sit in a dark room, acquainting oneself with a bottle of SPIT. The girl half-muttered, half-sang a tune under her breath, between gulps of said SPIT. Drink with me... *gulp* To days... *gulp* Gone-  
  
Suddenly, there was a sharp knock on the door. Looking up from her bottle of SPIT, the girl answered in a monotone, Yes, what do you want?  
  
Andi, get out of that room! was the angry reply, and a black- haired girl burst through the door, breaking the lock in the process. What is *wrong* with you?!  
  
Don't you know? It's awful.  
  
Mori gave a frustrated sigh, but did not reply.  
  
...Alright. You know Les Mis?  
  
Mori sighed again. Of COURSE I know Les Mis, you fool! What's gotten into you? Just get to the point.  
  
Well...well...Enjie-poo died at the barricade!! With this, Andi broke into tears.  
  
As if I didn't know! Mori rolled her eyes. So what does that have to do with anything?  
  
No one ever... *gulp* Told them that a... *gulp* Summer day could kill... *gulp* They were schoolboys... *gulp* Never held a gun... Andi lapsed back into her trance, alternating between singing and drinking.  
  
Never held a gun? Mori snorted and grabbed Andi's bottle. We *are* the Authors, you know. We can do anything!! She went into a bout of mad laughter, and when she stopped, Andi was looking at her with wide eyes.  
  
That means...we can bring back Enjie!!!!! she squealed, grabbed the bottle back from Mori, and drank the rest of it as a means of celebration.  
  
The black-haired girl strode to the door, face shining with enthusiasm. Yep, exactly. Let's get to it! Aaaah, and cute ickle Gavvie! ...By the way, I'd recycle that if I were you.  
  
Andi blinked. Er...right. So, what are we supposed to do? Just write for them to appear, and that's it?  
  
Hah, right, if only it were that easy, Mori muttered, shaking her head. No, not at all. No, alas, we have to... She went on to explain the procedure to Andi, who listened intently. Some eight hours later, they were ready to begin.  
  
~  
  
Enjolras, who had returned to hear the story, shuddered at the memory of this...ehm..."method" of bringing them back to life. "I believe *dying* was less agonizing than that."  
  
Shush, Enjie. Let me continue.  
  
"You too?" Enjolras groaned at the use of his nickname and sat down next to Mori. "Keep going."  
  
Where's Andi?  
  
There was an evil glint in Enjolras's eyes. Mori raised an eyebrow. Er...never mind. I'm not sure I want to know. Shaking her head, she turned back to the scroll.  
  
~  
  
The next day, Andi was bouncing up and down with happiness. In honor of Enjie's return, she was preparing in several very, um, unusual ways...  
  
Hey, Andi, you ready? I just had to get a few things before we could - aaaah!! Mori almost fell over in shock as she entered the room. Holy Eru, Andi, what are you WEARING???  
  
Andi innocently shrugged. Her chesnut-colored hair was tied in a bun, and a blonde wig was draped over it. She was wearing bright blue contacts, and something of a replica of a revolutionary outfit - complete with bloodstained white blouse, tricolor sash, gun, and ripped pants.  
  
Mori groaned in frustration. Oh, Andi... She ripped off the brunette's wig and took her gun away. Now stop this insanity. Get back into your normal clothes and let's get started.  
  
Fine, Andi sulked, stalking out of the room. You're no fun.  
  
~  
  
Meanwhile, back at the ranch...  
  
"Back at the ranch?"  
  
Yes, back at the ranch. It's an expression.  
  
"What ranch?"  
  
It doesn't MEAN a ranch! Now stop bugging me, Enjie!  
  
Enjolras gave Mori an oddlook. "I didn't say anything..."  
  
"Heya, Mori!" Courfeyrac waved at the Second Author cheerily as he and Combeferre popped out from behind Enjolras.  
  
Ack! What are YOU two doing here?  
  
"Sitting in midair," Courfeyrac replied innocently.  
  
"Where's Andi?" inquired Combeferre.  
  
Ask HIM. Mori moodily poked Enjolras (earning a death glare from said revolutionary) and returned to her writings, frustrated at the sudden audience she was getting. 


	4. Chaper Two: Just a Normal Day

~*~ When Fans Go Bad!: The Les Mis Version ~*~  
  
(Or: A Game for Bored Young Girls to Play)  
  
~*~ By Andi and Mori (I just realized that if Mori was Mrs. Mori, her name would be Mori Mori!) ~*~  
  
A/N: Now, leaving Bahorel out really WAS my fault. I KNEW I forgot someone.*sighs* Ah well, LOL. He'll be back later! ^^;; And I didn't feel like making up a first name for Enjolras, so he remains first-name-less. Wow, is that really ALL I have to explain? *blinkblink* Drat! More confusing stuff, hopefully, in the next chapter! ^.~  
  
~ Andi, as usual ~  
  
IV. Chapter Two, or: Meanwhile, Back at The Ranch ...  
  
Grantaire was drunk. That was no surprise. He was ALWAYS drunk.  
  
Joly was "sick". That was no surprise, either. He was ALWAYS "sick".  
  
Jehan was writing poetry. That was no surprise. He was ALWAYS writing poetry.  
  
Courfeyrac was talking. That was no surprise. He was ALWAYS talking.  
  
Combeferre was debating with Feuilly. Over philosophy and politics. That was no surprise. They ALWAYS debated philosophy and/or politics.  
  
Bossuet was unlucky. That was even less of a surprise. He'd ALWAYS been unlucky.  
  
Enjolras was sighing in frustration with his group. That was the least surprise of all. He was ALWAYS frustrated with at least one person in his group.  
  
In other words, it was an ordinary boring afternoon in the ABC Café.  
  
Then, everything fell apart.  
  
The door burst open, and a tall, almost fat man entered. "Ahem. Is there one Monsieur Enjolras here?"  
  
Laigle burst out laughing. He recognized the man as a police officer, and smacked Enjolras on the back. "Even the police don't know your first name? Are you scared they'll stalk you, or just trying to avoid rabid fangirls?"  
  
Enjolras gave the Eagle a lofty glare before turning to the man. "Yes, I am Enjolras. What do you want?"  
  
The man sprang forward and jumped on a table, effectively smashing several bottles, knocking several glasses over (one of them onto Jehan's notebook, which instantly prompted the sensitive poet to burst into tears), and making Grantaire fall over backwards. Music began to play as the man paced back and forth on the tables, twirling a stick menacingly.  
  
~  
  
"Hey, Mori? Isn't that stick Andi's?" Combeferre inquired, frowning.  
  
Mori supressed an annoyed sigh. You were THERE, Combeferre! Hey, that rhymes...you were there, Combeferre... ahem, anyway - don't YOU remember what happened? Were you sleeping or something?  
  
Combeferre shrugged. "I guess I forgot..."  
  
Mori groaned. How did she get stuck with this crazy lot? Just keep watching, then. I'll explain in a minute.  
  
~  
  
The Amis stared at the man in horror, with faces closely resembling "O_O". Enjolras groaned and leaned his head against his hand. "Oh, ye Gods..."  
  
"Tell me quickly, what's the story? Who saw what and why and where?"  
  
"How about YOU give ME the story?" Enjolras retorted. "You have no right to waltz in here unnanounced, breaking up a - "  
  
The word "rights" sent the man off on another tangent. "You have no rights! Come with me, 24601!" He reached forward and grabbed Enjolras's arm, attempting to drag him out of the inn.  
  
"Ahh! What are you DOING?" Enjolras ripped his arm out of the man's grasp, staring at him in shock, horror, and just plain disgust. "Are you DRUNK or just insane?"  
  
~  
  
"Seriously, what was he drinking?" Enjolras shook his head in disapproval, and Javert glared at him.  
  
Shut UP, everyone! Mori grumbled, hitting Enjolras sharply on the head. The revolutionary frowned, but fell silent. Anyway...  
  
~  
  
"He could not run forever, no, not even Jean Valjean!" The man bellowed, waving his stick, seeming not to notice Enjolras.  
  
Enjolras, however, was getting impatient. "Calm down. Why are you here?!" He crossed his arms and waited. Suddenly Gavroche burst through the door, singing.  
  
"Good evening, dear Inspector, lovely evening my dear." The little boy turned to the Amis. "I know this man, my friends, his name's Inspector Javert! So don't believe-"  
  
"SILENCE!!!" And there was silence. "...Now. 'Inspector Javert.' Explain yourself."  
  
The police officer raised himself up, still standing on the table. "I'm Javert. Do not forget my name. Do not forget me."  
  
Just as quickly as Javert had finished his introduction, the world blew up.  
  
~*~*~  
  
"...Enjolras?" It was Grantaire.  
  
Another voice piped up. "I feel a strange sensation. It must be..." Joly went into a specific description of what disease he thought he was suffering, and so on.  
  
And indeed, the Amis looked down, and saw nothing.  
  
"Hmm." Combeferre looked confused. "If we're disembodied, how can we look down?" Now they all realised they were in a completely dark place, and had the sensation of flying through the air. It would have been too dark to tell whether they had bodies or not, but for the inability to move. Suddenly there was a jolt, and they found themselves surrounded in water, the afternoon sun shining through the cold waves.  
  
Combeferre looked flustered. Courfeyrac looked mildly amused. Jehan looked like he was about to cry. Feuilly looked worried. Lesgles looked like he was used to it - just his luck. Joly looked seasick. Grantaire looked drunk.  
  
~  
  
BIG surprise, muttered Enjolras, shaking his head. Mori glared at him.  
  
"Hey, Mori, I just realized something," piped up Courfeyrac.  
  
WHAT? grumbled the frustrated author, almost giving up hope on writing down the events that had lead the group here.  
  
"You never mentioned Bahorel."  
  
"Hey, that's right..." added Combeferre, as Mori colored sharply. "Whatever happened to him?"  
  
"Mori...are you killing off random Amis as you see fit?" Enjolras had a murderous glint in his eye.  
  
NO!!!! Mori sweatdropped. It's all Andi's fault!  
  
"Oh no, you can't get out of this by blaming it on Andi! You shove everything onto her," muttered Enjie.  
  
"Poor girl." Combeferre shook his head.  
  
Mori sweatdropped some more. Gahhh! Look, I'm an author! I can do what I see fit with characters I don't see fit to be included in the story! And besides, Bahorel had an... er ...unfortunate incident with a can opener.  
  
"Can openers haven't even been invented yet!!!"  
  
Shut UP, Enjie! I SAY they're been invented, OK???  
  
"Fine," grumbled the revolutionary leader, stalking off to sulk somewhere. Combeferre and Courfeyrac glared at Mori for angering their Fearless Leader.  
  
Mori sweatdropped even more. Fine, I'll just keep writing...  
  
~  
  
None of these expressions, however, compared to the surprising amount of emotion on Enjolras's face. He looked angry, confused, upset, furious, and frustrated, even though several of those emotions were the same thing. He was shaking in silent rage and fury, and finally let it all out. "NEEP!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Crickets chirped, seagulls squawked, and silence filled the waves. Courfeyrac finally gathered himself enough to speak. "...Neep?"  
  
Enjolras surveyed the faces of the Amis. Combeferre, Feuilly and Jehan looked torn between confusion and worry. Courfeyrac and Joly looked torn between amusement and worry. Grantaire and Lesgles were trying to supress their laughter. The blonde student turned bright red.  
  
"Anyway...how do we get out of here?"  
  
"And where is 'here'?" added Lesgles.  
  
"I think I'm catching a cold!" whined Joly.  
  
"Is there any alcohol nearby?" inquired Grantaire.  
  
"And why are we all floating like this? Shouldn't we be sinking?" pointed out Combeferre.  
  
All the Amis looked at each other...and abruptly began to sink. 


	5. Chapter Three: Falling into Authorland, ...

~*~ When Fans Go Bad!: The Les Mis Version ~*~  
  
(Or: A Game for Bored Young Girls to Play)  
  
~*~ By Andikins and Morikins~*~  
  
A/N: Bah, not much confusing stuff here either. *pouts* The "nearly had a facial expression" is something that Legolas (LOTR) says, in a really hilarious TTT parody. To be exact, "I almost had a facial expression from the joy of it!" and "No! This is unbearable! I almost had ANOTHER facial expression!" Also, the "last crew" comment refers to the fact that none of our chars in previous fics seem to respect the fact that Mori and myself are almighty authors...*pout*. And I don't dislike Gavroche...in fact, I'm rather fond of the little bugger (don't tell him I said that). But, like my sister, cute and funny things get old fast, and several hours of "Little People" grinds on your nerves...*g* And yes, this chapter is quite long...Ah well, LOL. Enjoy!  
  
Another note - much thanks to all who have reviewed ^-^ I appreciate it muchly, and so does Mori! *huggleglompgivemilkshake to all reviewers*  
  
~Guess who~  
  
V. Chapter Three, or: The Almighty Authors!  
  
The Amis tried to swim. Of course, this being a weird parallel universe, they failed. Water simply slipped through their hands. So they stopped trying to fight the pull of gravity, and held their breaths as long as they could. Finally, panicking, Joly took a deep breath. He prepared to feel water in his lungs, and slowly drown, but it never came. They could breathe!  
  
The ocean...or lake...or whatever it was they were in, seemed to be bottomless. They fell for hours, not running into a single fish or seaweed. In some ways, that could be good, but definitely monotonous.  
  
"By the time we reach dry land, my skin will be utterly ruined," moaned Joly.  
  
"IF we reach dry land," added Grantaire, muttering darkly to himself. "Ah, what I would give for a nice bottle of alcohol now..."  
  
The rest of the 'sinking' proceeded in complete silence. Enjolras and Combeferre had even attempted to start a game of War, but before long, the cards were too soggy and faded for use. Finally, there was a rushing noise, and the Amis looked down to see a large...drain? Something that looked like it, anyway. They were flung out of the water and onto some overgrown grass. It seemed altogether dry there, with no sign of the water they had previously been floundering in. There was a great deal of grumbling and wringing-out of clothes, before the Amis realised that there were two other people in their presence, eyeing the sky in a surprised fashion.  
  
*That's* what was supposed to happen? one of them asked skeptically, to which the other answered with a bemused nod. It took the Amis a moment before they realised that the two people hadn't noticed their presence yet.  
  
Sure enough, when the brown-haired of the two glanced back down, she nearly (had a facial expression!) fainted, so startled was she. And I was beginning to think it hadn't worked! She caught site of the blonde revolutionary leader, and squealed. Enjieeeeee!  
  
~  
  
Enjolras sat down and buried his head in his hands, groaning to himself. "I do *not* want to hear about this part."  
  
Mori gave him an annoyed look. Okay, then leave. I am *not* going to leave anything out. Enjolras didn't move, and Mori gave a satisfied smile, turning back to the scroll. As I was saying...  
  
~  
  
The girl pounced on Enjolras and proceeded to squeeze the living daylights out of him, ignoring the fact that he was dripping wet. The other girl, slightly more reserved, waved and greeted them as if fictional characters falling out of the sky was an everyday ocurrance. Heya, Enjolras, Joly, Grantaire.  
  
~  
  
"Wait, wait. What happened to Jehan, Combeferre, Feuilly, Lesgle, and I?" Courfeyrac frowned.  
  
Don't you remember? Mori was greeted with a blank stare from aforementioned people, and she sighed. Just wait.  
  
"See, I was right," Enjolras protested. "She's killing off random Amis as she sees fit!"  
  
*sweatdrop* I'm telling the story here, now be quiet and listen!  
  
~  
  
The three men looked up, alarmed, and took in their surroundings. It was a small cottage, with a crooked tree standing to the side, and they were standing at the top of a hill. It was a pleasant day, very quiet...too quiet.  
  
Indeed, the rest of the Amis were nowhere to be seen. Enjolras turned to the two girls, fuming. "Alright, what have you done to them?!"  
  
What? The brunette asked, genuinely confused. I didn't do anything!  
  
"Who are you, anyway, and why are we here?" Grantaire put in.  
  
The brunette blinked, her green eyes wide in surprise. Dude. Mori. She tugged on the other girl's arm. Mori. Look. It's Grantaire!  
  
The black-haired girl rolled her eyes. No, really? I hadn't noticed the stench of alcohol that surrounds him.  
  
The brunette blinked again, then sniffed the air. She then wrinkled her nose in disgust. Eeeeewww.  
  
Suddenly, a loud CRASH was heard, as Jehan and Combeferre proceeded to fall out of the sky, and on top of the black-haired girl. OW!!!!!!! She began cursing angrily as she shoved the revolutionaries off of her.  
  
"Enjolras!!! Grantaire!!! Joly!!! I WAS SO WORRIED!!!!" sobbed Jehan, hugging each Ami tightly as he named them. Joly looked worried about germs, Grantaire looked oblivious, and Enjolras looked annoyed.  
  
Andi... demanded the black-haired girl, her dark eyes flashing light blue. Have you an explanation for this?  
  
Me?!? YOU were the one who TOLD me about this!!! She gestured at the bemused Amis around her. I was oblivious!!!  
  
Quite obviously.  
  
The brunette pouted and proceeded to sit next to Combeferre, sulking. The revolutionary patted her shoulder sympathetically.  
  
"What have you done with the others?" Enjolras demanded again. "And who are you, and where are we?"  
  
"And does this look infected to you?"  
  
"Shut UP, Joly!!!!"  
  
Ahem. All eyes turned to look at the black-haired girl, who looked a bit uneasy. As much as I'd love to stay and chat...  
  
Whoa, whoa, whoa. The brunette was on her feet, a look of annoyance and shock on her face. Hold on a sec. You are NOT leaving me alone here.  
  
The black-haired girl grinned nervously. Well, SOMEONE'S got to find Lesgle, Courfeyrac, Feuilly, and Bahorel, don't they?  
  
I thought you incapacitated Bahorel!!!  
  
"You did WHAT to Bahorel???" demanded Enjolras, now extremely uneasy.  
  
Er...nevermindthat. I...er...thinkI'llbeoffnow.  
  
You are NOT leaving me alone with these lunatics!!! The brunette was looking desperate.  
  
You've got Enjie! pointed out the black-haired girl hopefully.  
  
Oh, right!!! The brunette happily pounced on the blonde revolutionary, hugging him so hard he lost consciousness.  
  
Anyway...I'll be going now. The girl muttered something under her breath, then waved cheerfully at the (conscious) Amis. Cheerio! And she disappeared.  
  
Joly, Combeferre, and Jehan blinked. Enjolras was unconscious while being glomped by the green-eyed brunette, and Grantaire had proceeded to find some alcohol, get drunk, and pass out again.  
  
Jehan nervously approached the brunette and tapped her shoulder hesitantly. "Errr...miss? Could you please tell us who you are and what exactly is going on?" He turned red at having said so much.  
  
The girl stopped hugging Enjolras, sweatdropped, and laughed. Oh! So sorry! She waved her hand, and two fluffy sofas popped up. Joly, Combeferre, and Jehan took a seat on one, and the girl dragged Enjolras onto the other one, plopping down next to him. Alright. She tossed her braid over her shoulder and said importantly, My name is Andi. I am the First Author.  
  
"GASP!" gasped the three conscious Amis. "AN AUTHOR!!!"  
  
Pleased at the reception she was getting, Andi grinned. Yep. The other, not-so-bubblegummy gal that just left was Mori. The Second Author.  
  
"GASP!" gasped the Amis again. "ANOTHER AUTHOR!!!"  
  
Wow, y'all are sure better to work with than our last crew!  
  
~  
  
"Speaking of Andi...what DID happen to her?" inquired Combeferre.  
  
Mori shrugged. Knowing Enjie, he probably locked her in some glass room and made her listen to Gavvie sing "Little People" numerous times over.  
  
~*~*~  
  
This was, in fact, exactly what Enjolras had done.  
  
"And li'l people know, when li'l people fight, we may look easy pickin's, but we got some bite!"  
  
Aaaaaargh!!!! Andi pounded the walls of her glass room in desperation, trying to get out. Gavvie, stop that!!! I beg of thee!  
  
Gavroche only stuck his tongue out at Andi, and proceeded to continue skipping around the room, singing Little People in his odd accent.  
  
Nooooo... moaned Andi, trying desperately to block the sound.  
  
~*~*~  
  
Mori paused, then shook her head. Nah, Enjie wouldn't be that cruel... 


	6. Chapter Four: PlotRevealing Authors, Ann...

~*~ When Fans Go Bad!: The Les Mis Version ~*~  
  
(Or: A Game for Bored Young Girls to Play)  
  
~*~ By Andikins and Morikins~*~  
  
A/N: Yay, more confusing stuff! *applauds* Anyway, I just loooove calling Mori incompetent...*evil laugh* And for some reason, online, EVERYONE seems to think that I'm male! *goes insane* I AM NOT A MAN!!! Hence, my not-so-calm reaction when Gavroche does so. And, as you already probably know, I'm not a big slash-person (which is not to say I dislike it, I just don't write it)...and I was trying to contemplate who to pair Gavroche with, that would cause the most torture...I sincerely hope there aren't any Gavroche/Javert fics out there, really. *shudder* That's just not right. And, at the time of this fic's writing, neither Mori nor I had finished the book. Now, however, both of us have. *happy grin, evil laughter* Anyway...enjoy, as usual, and r/r please! ^.^  
  
~ Andi, as usual ~  
  
VI. Chapter Four, or: Of Cookies and Death  
  
Soon, carrying a tray of cookies, Mori returned, glomped Enjolras, caught the cookies, and calmly took a seat to his other side. Cookies, anyone?  
  
Joly eyed the cookies suspiciously. "Those are sterile, aren't they?"  
  
...Of course, Mori answered, taking a cookie and chewing it. Perfectly healthy, you see? She offered him one. Still skeptical, Joly graciously turned it down.  
  
"Err...what's a cookie?" inquired Enjolras.  
  
You mean you've never had one?! Andi cried in disbelief. Poor, poor, deprived Enjie...  
  
"Um...no?" He frowned.  
  
Mori shook her head sadly. Try one, then.  
  
~  
  
"You're going off topic!" Enjolras said irately, flushing. "Do we really need to know about cookies?"  
  
...I suppose not.  
  
~  
  
"Okay, why are we here?"  
  
Andi and Mori sat in silence for a moment, trying to remember why exactly they were there. Finally, Mori spoke up tentatively. Hmm...we felt like it?  
  
Yeah, isn't it much better than being dead? Andi said brightly, attempting to hug Enjolras, who flinched away in distaste.  
  
"WHAT?! So you brought us here, to another...I don't know, this place probably doesn't even exist!" The revolutionary's face was clouded with rage. "Just because- wait. What did you say about being dead?"  
  
Er...um...  
  
Rolling her eyes at Mori's incompetence (Hey!), Andi took over. You were going to die at the barricade, and we saved you! she said, addressing Enjolras.  
  
"And what about *us*?" Joly inquired. "What was the point of bringing *us* here?"  
  
Haven't you figured it out? Everyone dies. All of you. Mori nodded gravely.  
  
~  
  
"Yeah, great way of making us feel good," Grantaire grumbled, popping up between Combeferre and Mori.  
  
Shut up, it's only the truth.  
  
"Awfully blatant, aren't you?"  
  
Mori ignored this comment and went on.  
  
~  
  
"What?!" Enjolras looked deeply disturbed. "HOW do you know what's going to happen to us?!" He stood up and began pacing. "And there's absolutely no way my revolution could fail! What do you mean, 'all of us'?!"  
  
Calm down, calm down. We read the book, Andi said, pushing Enjolras back onto the sofa.  
  
Well, watched the musical, Mori added.  
  
And are in the process of reading the book, Andi finished.  
  
"...Book? Musical?" The four looked confused.  
  
There was an awkward pause, then Jehan quietly interjected, "But isn't it more important to find the others? They were with us, until..." He fell silent, pondering when exactly they had lost the other Amis.  
  
"He's right," said Grantaire, "We're here, so we're here. Why and how doesn't really matter." Joly nodded.  
  
Enjolras reluctantly agreed. "But you two owe us an explanation later."  
  
Fine, sighed Andi.  
  
~  
  
Gavvie, PLEASE let me go! Andi begged. Please, please, pleeeeease!  
  
"What'll ya give me?" taunted Gavroche.  
  
Anything! Andi replied, desperately.  
  
Music began to play, and Gavroche struck a pose. "Got you all excited now...but God knows what you see in her! Aren't you all delighted now...no! I don't want your money, sir - " He suddenly paused. "Wait!!! What'm I saying??? OF COURSE I WANT YOUR MONEY!!!"  
  
Andi, meanwhile, had turned a nasty shade of purple. Did ... you ... just ... call ... me ... SIR??!?!?!  
  
Gavroche blinked innocently. "It's the song, guv'n'r!"  
  
THAT'S IT!!!!!! Andi had lost all patience with the short, annoying - all right, CUTE Gavroche. If you don't let me go now...I'll... She paused, thinking. An evil grin spread across her face, and Gavroche gulped. I'll slash you with Javert!!!  
  
Silence reigned. Gavroche looked decidedly sick. "You wouldn't dare!!!"  
  
Would I now? Andi pulled parchment and a pen from out of nowhere. One more chance, twerp!  
  
Gavroche was still trying to ponder the meaning of "slash" and ignored Andi.  
  
Andi proceeded to start writing. Gavroche wandered over to see what was on the paper...he promptly turned white, started choking, and fell over, unconscious.  
  
Andi laughed evilly. At last!!! Freedom is mine, the earth is still - She kicked at the glass door, breaking it, and ran out.  
  
Alarms sounded from out of nowhere, and red lights started flashing. Andi bit her lip. Shit. She started to run. 


	7. Chapter Five: Pinkness, Anvils, and the ...

****

~*~ When Fans Go Bad!: The Les Mis Version ~*~  
(Or: A Game for Bored Young Girls to Play)

~*~ By Andikins and Morikins~*~

AN: Whee, chapter five! *happy grin* This one's VERY odd, and ends with something of a cliffhanger. Anyway, about the "Foofoo disease"...on the site Mori and I are on, the LOTR Plaza, Elves are called "foofoo", for some odd reason. We're viewed as hyper, odd beings, that glomp and poke everything in sight (hence, Joly thinking that 'Ferre had it when he poked R). Very sad, really. -_-;; And don't ask about the "little brown jug of absinthe". You're better off not knowing that. ^^;;;

****

VII. Chapter Five, or: Finding the Others (and laughing at them)

Enjolras was thinking up a plan. Of course. He was ALWAYS thinking up plans.

Anyway, said blonde student was sitting on one of the sofas, in deep thought. Andi was sitting next to him, staring at him and randomly letting out dreamy sighs. Combeferre raised an eyebrow, and Jehan sighed, too.

"Awww...isn't it sweet, Joly?"

"Eh?" Joly looked up from where he had been filing his nails, searching for dangerous bacteria. "Er, yeah, sure, whatever."

Meanwhile, Grantaire had passed out...again. Mori and Combeferre were discussing their issues (mainly, annoying/irritating best friends) in a deep heart-to-heart.

"I'm serious, he's so cold sometimes...I think he needs to get out more." Combeferre sighed. "I've tried to introduce him to some nice girls, but no, he gives me his speech on how he's not aware of the existance of a creature called woman." He shook his head. "Stubborn."

Well, at least you're not stuck with a constant bubblegummer...day and night, all I hear about is Enjie, Enjie, Enjie. I mean, I like Enjie too, but can we say 'obsessed'?

"What's bubblegum?" Combeferre asked curiously.

Er…*sweatdrop* Nevermind.

"I have it!!" Enjolras shot to his feet in triumph.

"Have what?" Joly looked up, alarmed. "Chicken pox, salmonella, malaria?" He proceeded to hide under the couch. "Noooo! Noooo! I'm going to dieeeee!"

Combeferre groaned.

Enjolras, looking lofty and slightly annoyed, continued. "No, I have come to a conclusion on our situation."

"And that is...?" offered Jehan.

Enjolras cleared his throat importantly. "I have no idea where the hell we are."

Everyone facefaulted.

Well, anyway... Andi said, looking half-disappointed, half-amused. I suppose we could try one of the Almighty Authorly Writingly Things We Do...

We could, mused Mori. But anything could go wrong. Take our current situation, for example.

"It's not as if it's helping just sitting around here," Enjolras said, impatiently. He sprung up, throwing a fist into the air. "Let's gooooo!"

...Calm down, Enjie. We need a sign! To rally the people, to call them to arms, and to bring them in line!

Mori blinked. ...Er, Andi, a sign?

A plan.

"No stealing my liiiiiiiiines!" Enjolras whined.

Grantaire woke up, alarmed. "Did Enjolras have too much to drink?"

"He had *_nothing* _to drink," Combeferre said, poking Grantaire.

Joly gasped.

...What?

"'FERRE HATH CAUGHT THE FOO FOO DISEASE!"

...How could *you*know about the Foofoo disease? Andi asked, raising an eyebrow.

Mori gave an exasperated sigh. Who CARES?! We have to go find the others! She jumped on the couch and began to sing Red and Black, very loudly, earning annoyed stares from the others present. She sweatdropped and got down.

Enjolras cleared his throat. "Well. Anyway. She's right! Let's go!"

Suddenly a 2000-ton anvil dropped from the sky and knocked everyone out.

~

__

"About time..." Enjolras grumbled.

Well, it was your fault, Mori snorted. So don't complain.

Enjolras frowned indignantly. "And how exactly was it my fault?"

What were you smoking?

"Stop trying to change the subject."

I'm not!

"Just get on with the story!" Enjolras shook his head in exasperation.

Now who's trying to change the subject?

"...Shut up."

~

When they woke up, they noticed strange - frilly things - dancing around them and singing something about "hearts" and "love". Enjolras blinked. What did these words mean? But never mind, they strove towards a larger goal. Their little lives didn't count at aaaall!

Slowly, everyone began to take in their surroundings, gagging the appropriate amounts. Andi began sighing and looking at Enjie pointedly, while said Enjie loked a bit confused/nervous, Mori rolled her eyes, and Jehan sighed.

"Joly, isn't it romantic?"

"Eh?" Joly looked up, from where he was studying Combeferre's tongue, despite the student's protests that "I don haf de Hoohoo disheash, Sho'ee!". "Er, yeah, sure, whatever."

Grantaire had, as usual, managed to find some absinthe, and was now singing absently ("Weeee're all...*hic* drooooowning in a...*hic* liiiiiiittle brown jug...*hic*...of absinthe!!! *hic*"). Enjolras, meanwhile, has noticed that the "frilly things" were, in fact...

"Bahorel!! Laigle!! Feuilly!!!" The revolutionary shot to his feet. "Where have been, what are you doing here, and...what in the name of the Republic are you WEARING!??!"

All three men flushed in embarrassment. "Er..." Everyone but Grantaire and Joly turned to look at the red-faced man, the bald man, and the rather nondescript fan-maker, and nearly threw up in disgust. All three were clad in very short pink, lacy, heart-stamped togas.


	8. Chapter Six: Dangerous Revolutionaries

****

~*~ When Fans Go Bad!: The Les Mis Version ~*~  
(Or: A Game for Bored Young Girls to Play)

~*~ By Andikins and Morikins~*~

A/N: Part 8, Chapter 6...wheee! D Anyway...there's absolutely NOTHING to explain in this chapter. *pouts* I know the pink togas were kind of, er, unusual and unorthodox (to say the least), but, hey – I'm an Author, it's what I do. ^.~ And Enjolras' girlfriend...*snort* I wish! ^^;;; Anyway, R/R, as usual...enjoy!

VIII. Chapter Six, or: More Laughing (and finding Courfeyrac)

It was Andi who, after about five minutes, broke the silence. Her voice sounding oddly strangled, she choked out, Um...guys? What in the name of...

Mori, sounding equally odd, added, I mean, what on earth is...

And who did...

And where did you...

Both authors broke off, rather unusual expressions on both of their faces. Bahorel finally broke out, "WHAT?!?!" in frustration.

Both authors looked at the three, er, "dangerous revolutionaries" (in pink, lacy, heart-stamped togas), then at each other, then burst out laughing.

Just LOOK at yourselves!

You're supposed to be on the barricades fighting...and you're wearing PINK!!

Dangerous revolutionaries! HA!

Laigle, bright red, was trying not to laugh; Bahorel, also bright red, was trying not to scream; and poor Feuilly (also bright red) looked like he had no idea what to do.

It was Andi, again, who broke the tension. Wiping tears from her eyes, she calmed down enough to choke out, Alright..._men_. *snort* Tell us what exactly happened...how you got here...and, like Enjolras said, what in the name of the Republic you're wearing.

"We're wearing pink, lacy, heart-stamped togas!" said Laigle, grinning, and obviously undaunted by his foofoo-ness. "Can't you tell?"

*glares* You KNOW what I mean.

"Weeeeeell..." Bahorel began.

"It was all your fault!" Feuilly interrupted, in a childish wail. "Why didn't you wait for us? If you hadn't... that is, if you'd just..."

Laigle heaved a sigh, and attempted to kick Feuilly and Bahorel out of the way. Instead, of course, he managed to stub his toe on Bahorel's belt loop. Wincing, he spoke: "You breathed."

All present, with the exception of the three pink ones, blinked. Mori muttered to herself, Well of course they breathed. The point is...?

"The point is," Laigle said with a grin, "We were travelling in a parallel universe. In water. And for some reason, only the first five people to attempt to breathe in that 'ocean' thing will be able to. Something about disposing of unneeded labourers."

~

__

"Well that's kinda stupid." Enjolras rolled his eyes.

Tell me about it. Now could you kindly stop with your useless comments?

At that moment, there was a shrill battle-cry and a brownish blob came plummeting out of the sky.

HOWDAREYOUINSULTENJIESORRYGOTTARUUUUN! Aforementioned blob trampled Mori and was gone, a couple of Gavroche's secret police close in pursuit. Mori uttered a weak cry, picked herself up, and attempted to gather the loose bits of parchment that had gone flying every which way.

"Hah, weak author; a mere trampling would be nothing to me. You shouldn't be so selfish."

Coming to the conclusion that being stuck in the middle of nowhere was driving Enjolras to insanity, Mori ignored this. As I was saying...

~

"We, who have deeper breaths than the rest of you, were able to hold out," Laigle continued, "but, naturally, we drowned!"

"And went to heaven,"

"...Where they gave us pink dresses and made us rehearse 'A Heart Full of Love' until someone conveniently came along and rescued us." Bahorel spat in disgust.

"And here we are."

Fascinating, muttered Andi, picking up a golden rope that was tied around Bahorel's sleeve and playing with it, giggling madly. Bahorel glared and tugged the rope out of her grasp.

Mori cleared her throat. Well, if you're here, where's Courfeyrac?

Laigle and Feuilly exchanged a look, and the Eagle took a deep breath.   
"Er...he's in...er..."

"Out with it!" demanded Enjolras. "Where is he?"

"...CourfeyracrefusedtowearthepinktogaandsoGodbanishedhimtohell!" burst out Laigle, looking terrified.

"WHAT?!?!?!?"

WHAT?!?!?! demanded Andi, shooting to her feet. HOW CAN THIS BE?!?!? I am agog, and aghast, and all that! Except I couldn't care less about Marius, but that's not the point! The point is, one of my chars has been banished!! Only I do the banishing around here...this is unacceptable!! I must go and retrieve Courfeyrac!

Slightly surprised at Andi's declaration, Enjolras added, "I will not allow one of my petty followers – er, I mean, dedicated friends – to be banished like so! It is unacceptable!"

Jehan got to his feet, tears streaming from his eyes. "I will follow our Fearless Leader and his girlfriend through fire and ice!"

Enjolras did a double take, nearly choking on his spit (one of the few cases in which I *do* mean saliva, not SPIT). "GIRLFRIEND?!?!?!"

*smirkglompclingEnjie*

Combeferre raised his hand. "I should probably go, too..."

"OH NO YOU DON'T!!!!" Joly pushed his hand back down. "You're deathly ill! I need to keep you under supervision!!"

"I am NOT deathly ill, Joly! I'm perfectly fine!"

"That's what they aaaaaaaaaall say!!"

"I'll go," offered Laigle.

"Me too!" piped up Feuilly.

Andi stood and took a ring from her finger, beginning to twist it. Alright, so Enjie, Jehan, Laigle, and Feuilly are going with me to Heaven to get God's permission to bring Courfeyrac back up from Hell...Mori, you keep an eye on these guys. She gestured to the close-to-dead Grantaire, Bahorel, Combeferre, and Joly. Seeya! After saluting, Andi finally threw the ring into the air, and it opened up a portal. She grabbed Laigle and Feuilly by the pink collars and threw them into the portal. She then threw the whimpering Jehan in, and, grabbing Enjolras' hand, jumped in after them.


	9. Chapter Seven: Business with God, Little...

****

~*~ When Fans Go Bad!: The Les Mis Version ~*~  
(Or: A Game for Bored Young Girls to Play)

~*~ By Andikins and Morikins~*~

A/N: *ggwll* Gotta love Mori's scary subplots...anyway, I hope no one takes offense from my less-than-stellar portrayal of or attitude towards God. I know it's not something to be taken lightly and all, but it's a crazyfic...I'm abandoning all sense of belief and reason for purposes of insanity. ^^;; Enjoy!

****

IX. Chapter Seven, or: The "Losers" and What They Did

__

Andi was still running from Gavvie's Secret Police (Huh, who'd've thought that little brat was in cahoots with Javert?) when she ran right into Cosette.

"Ahhhh!! My dress, my lovely dress! It's wrinkled!!!" The girl sank to the ground and burst into loud tears.

Erf...sorry, Cosette... Andi bit her lip, knowing that she'd have to face two very angry people if the girl didn't shut up... Cosette, please shut up, please stop crying...

But it was too late.

"ANDI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" The author cringed, turning...

...to face Valjean and Fantine, standing behind a distraught Cosette, looking furious. Andi let out a groan, threw a marble on the ground, and leaped into the portal that opened rather than face Cosette's furious parents...

~

Mori groaned loudly. That's not fair at all. Why does Andi always get the important mission, while I get stuck with the losers?

"LOSERS?!" chorused Grantaire, Bahorel, Combeferre, and Joly.

Well... Mori surveyed her followers. With the exception of Combeferre, yes. Losers. She grinned, and gestured for them to follow. They followed. She lectured. We, now, are going to find a way to get back home. Out of this place, at least.

"Can't you just write us home?" Combeferre offered, frowning. "That's what authors are for, hm?"

"As long as there's some good absinthe...or Enjolras..." Grantaire growled, tossing aside an empty bottle, narrowly missing Joly. Joly screamed.

"Watch where you throw that thing! Knowing you, it's a breeding ground for bacteria..." He shuddered.

Mori cleared her throat. To answer Combeferre – no. If you were ordinary made-up characters, I could, but it's harder when I'm dealing with the likes of you. Noting some glares pointed her direction, she added, Already existing characters, I mean.

"You know, it makes me uncomfortable to be referred to as a 'character'," Bahorel said, "as if we were just fiction, or something."

Mori bit her tongue to keep from blurting out that they *were* fiction. Well, this way. She led them into a dark alley.

"Wait a second," Bahorel said, grabbing Mori's arm to stop her. "Why are you leading us? You don't know any more about this place than we do, and you're only a little girl."

...Little girl? *twitch*

"Just let her, Bahorel," Combeferre said. "Do not doubt the powers of an Author."

That's right. Let's go.

And they followed her into a trap.

~

Meanwhile, Andi and God were yelling at each other.

Look, God dude. I've got a mission here – I'm trying to get all the Amis together, so we can decide what to do with them, and then ship them back off to Les Mis to die and be cried over, etc., etc.

"DYING?" choked out Feuilly. "No one said anything about dying!!"

Enjolras glared at him. "You should be prepared to fight and die for your cause at any given time, citizen!"

"Who're you calling citizen, citizen?"

"How DARE you call me citizen, citizen?"

"I dare, citizen!"

Laigle and Jehan groaned.

Andi glared at Feuilly, shutting him up, and then at Enjolras, who simply glared back and pouted loftily.

God's booming voice was heard. **I cannot allow you to take someone who has been punished from his punishment! He was sent away for refusing my orders – he must be punished!**

But if you let me take him away from his punishment, I WILL punish him!

****

What punishment could you possibly do to punish him further than he has already been punished?

Andi thought quickly. I...once we leave, I'll stick him in a cage with rabid Enjolras fangirls!

Laigle, Feuilly, and Jehan all winced. "Oooohhh!"

****

I...I myself could never think of a worse punishment for someone who deserves to be punished s –

"Alright, enough with the punishment!!!" yelled Laigle in annoyance.

God gestured with his hand. **You may take him away!**

Awright! Thanks, God! Andi saluted cheerily, then called to the chars to go. However, as she was about to open the portal to Hell, she was confronted by Enjolras.

"How can you do this? You promised to torture Courfeyrac with the worst torture known to humankind...I thought you were coming to save him!"

Andi waved away his concern. Don't worry 'bout it, Enjie...I'll find a way around it. You think I'd really abandon 'Feyrac to fangirl hell? 'Course not...I'm not THAT evil! Winking, she pulled out another ring and made a portal. Once again, she tossed Laigle, Jehan, and Feuilly through it, then jumped with Enjolras.

Right about then, the world ended.

~

Joly stepped forward, and promptly ran into someone. Muttering an apology, he backed up, and fainted upon seeing who it was.

Bahorel, Grantaire, Combeferre, and Mori spun around. The first three screamed in horror, and the fourth screamed in delight. It's working! WORKING, I TELL YOUUU! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!!!!!!

Combeferre blinked.

Bahorel stared.

Joly snored.

Grantaire crawled into a corner with a bottle of absinthe.

Meanwhile, a glass cage appeared around the person-Joly-had-bumped-into. "What?! This isn't good for my sinuses! I'm going to suffocate!"

Mori motioned upward, indicating a row of breathing holes.

Another snore issued from Joly, and the caged-person looked down.

"LOOK DOWN! LOOK DOWN! DON'T LOOK 'EM IN THE EYE! LOOK DOWN! LOOK DOWN! YOU'RE HERE UNTIL YOU DIE!"

...Javert? What are you doing here? I thought you were dead.

Javert was surprised. "Dead? What gave you that idea?"

Erm...bridge? River? Do those words hold any meaning for you?

"The Amis aren't dead yet, are they?"

Mori shrugged and tossed Javert into a closet.

"Hey! I was doing something!" The caged-person said, crossing his arms.

"...That didn't come out right."

The caged person glared at Combeferre, and proceeded to look down, exclaiming in an over-exaggerated tone, "Look! It's me!" He attempted to point a finger at Joly, but succeeded in breaking it against the glass, instead. Whimpering, he sat down.

"WHAT?! IT'S YOU?!" chorused the remaining Mizzy characters.

Seriously, you didn't recognize him? Mori said, sweatdropping. What were you screaming for, then?

"His shoes clash," Bahorel said. 

Caged-Joly attempted to cover a pair of neon orange shoes, protesting, "He got the good pair."

Joly woke up, blinked, caught sight of his double, and screamed. "I'm hallucinating! Someone slap me!" Four hands collided with his face, and he fell unconscious once again.

~

__

"What DID happen to him?" Courfeyrac inquired.

Mori groaned. Argh! Stupid memory-less Amis! If you can't even remember something you were THERE for...

"Er...Mori, hun...I WASN'T there. I was in Hell...remember?"

Mori sweatdropped and blushed. Oh. Right. Well, anyway, just keep listening, then...

"I wonder where Andi is," Combeferre commented.


	10. Chapter Eight: Andi has Fun in the Futur...

****

~*~ When Fans Go Bad!: The Les Mis Version ~*~  
(Or: A Game for Bored Young Girls to Play)

~*~ By Andikins and Morikins~*~

A/N: OK, there is absolutely nothing to say about this chapter. *pout* Aside from...this is the point where it starts to degrade into a semi-serious fic! *gasps* The horror! *ahem* Anyway, enjoy, and pleeeease review! ^.^ MUCH thanks to the people that have...I looooove you guys!!! *glomp*

****

X. Chapter Eight, or: Trouble with An Author

__

Andi was freefalling. She had no idea where she was going, nor where she would end up. She pulled out the ring that she had used to open the portal, and looked at it. Her eyes widened in horror.

Oh, no! I can't be going – 

Then there was a loud CRASH, and Andi tumbled out of her freefall, only to land...

~

...at the feet of Andi.

Enjolras blinked.

Jehan blinked.

Feuilly blinked.

Laigle tried to blink, but ended up getting an eyelash stuck in his eye; howling with pain, he doubled over, trying to get it out.

Andi blinked, then grinned and saluted, as if doubles of herself fell from the sky every day. Hey there, Andi!

Andi #2 got to her feet, facing her double.

Enjolras, looked extremely confused. "Er...why are there two of you?"

Two of who? chorused the Andis. Me or her?

Laigle, who had finally managed to extricate the eyelash from his eye, looked up. "Eh? I think I'm seeing double...just my luck."

Jehan squealed, then fainted. Feuilly ran over to him. "Jehan! Ack, I need help...Andi!"

Yes? chorused both Andis. Feuilly smacked himself on the head, proceeding to fall over unconscious.

Enjolras studied the Andis. The two were perfect replicas of each other, only Andi #2 was slightly taller, had slightly brighter eyes, and looked generally more Omnipotent-Author-ish. That's generally what happens when people travel back into the past. The only difference was that Andi #2's clothes were messier, dirtier, and more travel-worn.

Andi took all of this in. Ye Gods, Andi, where have you BEEN?

Andi #2 shook her head. You don't wanna know. You'll be going there yourself soon, anyway.

Ah...you're from the future?

Yep. Just call me Rei!

Andi nodded, still a bit confused at this new development.

"So, anyway..." Enjolras cleared his throat.

Right, Rei added. So, Andi, tell me what's up. What have you been doing?

See for yourself. Andi gestured at their surroundings, and Rei took them in.

The group was in a very large...place. It looked very much like the barricade, only it was painted dark red. Not Valentine-y red, not maroon-red, but blood-red, flame-red. In the corner, small flames were floating in the air and lighting up the area. There seemed to be more such areas, some resembling rivers, some forests, etc. later on. But they were approaching the barricade area with one thing in mind.

You're going to free Courfeyrac.

Andi and Enjolras nodded resolutely. Rei sighed. They had no idea what was coming – could she blame them? But who was she to change the canon of her life? If she had had to live through it, she wasn't going to spare them. Who knows what could happen as a result of that?

Let's go, then.

~

__

"What? So you mean Andi's not ... HERE, anymore?" Combeferre exclaimed.

I don't really know how that works. Why don't you go look for her?

Combeferre shrugged and got up. "I know what happens next anyway. Call me when you're reading about Andi's group."

~

An empty chair and an empty table (now that (half of) Marius' friends were... gone, but not dead – yet *evil laugh*) appeared, and Mori sat at it. Ahh, that's better. Now why did Joly get doubled? I wanted a 'Ferre... She pouted, and Combeferre smirked.

From inside the glass cage, Joly #2 had somehow fixed his finger and was now pounding on the walls. "Let me out!"

No, no, I'm afraid we have to go on.

"Wait a minute," started Combeferre, "I just had a thought. If you're the author, why aren't you writing? Why can't you just... solve this quickly?"

Bahorel nodded. "It seems like you're just playing around with us. Or else you're lying to us, and you're not an author at all."

Mori looked startled, not having expected this. W-what? Of course I'm an author! And if I could just 'solve this quickly', I'd have done it long ago! Don't question my authority.

"I seem to remember that you were the one who brought us here. Things like this don't happen on an every-day basis!" A shadow and a threat (oh, and a suspicion) was growing in Combeferre's mind.

"LET ME OUT!!!!!!!!!!!"

Completely ignoring Joly #2, Combeferre continued: "Why would you bring us here if you didn't want us here? It's no secret that you and Andi are obsessed with Les Misérables, and certainly no coincidence that we are ...apparently... from Les Misérables."

Er... Mori removed a small radio from her belt, fumbled with the dials, and spoke. Andi? ...Help? ...Damn, the batteries are out.

Bahorel grinned and held up a couple of AA batteries.

GAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Who'd ever think I would live to be blackmailed by book characters?!

Bahorel and Combeferre promptly tied Mori up and nailed her to a tree. Coming to a realization, Mori just put on an indifferent expression. You can't do anything to me. I'm writing you.

"Unless you _want_ us to do something to you."

O_O;;; Okay, Bahorel, that's just wrong. And I am not some suicidal freak!

"Suuuuuure."

"...Or maybe we'll just keep you there until you decide to do something, instead of taking us on these pointless walks."

Oh come on, could you be more boring?

The Amis sat down to wait, and Joly and Grantaire (after a bit of a fuss) woke up and joined in. Mori was becoming increasingly uneasy, and it didn't help much that her ...ehm... "audience" was polishing knives. Except for the occasional beating of fists against glass, and the swish of metal against metal, no sound could be heard.

~

__

Enjolras groaned. "How dull. Is this really what happened while my group was having fun in Hell?"

Hey, it's not my fault Combeferre and Bahorel have no creativity. Mori glared at Enjolras, irritated.

"Remember you're the one in charge of writing them."

...Right, whatever.


	11. Chapter Nine: Of Authorly Powers, and Ot...

****

~*~ When Fans Go Bad!: The Les Mis Version ~*~  
(Or: A Game for Bored Young Girls to Play)

~*~ By Andikins and Morikins~*~

A/N: And the fic continues its downward spiral into the world of seriousness...*shrieks in horror* Don't worry, I'm doing my best to save it from THAT horrible fate...anyway, the nickname "Rei" comes from the name I originally got Andi from – Ando_rëi_el. Mori calls me Rei ^.^

****

XI. Chapter Nine, or: Trouble with Said Author's Authorly Powers

Meanwhile, Andi, Rei, Enjolras, Jehan, Feuilly (both revived), and Laigle were walking over to the barricade chamber. It was apparently much further away than it looked, so they were walking for about 15 minutes. Laigle seemed extremely interested in the fact that Rei was from the future, and kept trying to ask her about what would happen, but said author was trying to figure out how to get back into her time.

"Hey, you're the author...can't you just write yourself back into your time?" inquired Enjolras, who had overheard the conversation.

Rei shook her head sadly. I wish...it's not that easy, not at all. Andi, explain to him, I'm busy.

Andi cleared her throat importantly and launched into a long, complicated lecture about authors and the way that they work that no one paid attention to. Anyway, what this means is we can decide the basic plots that occur, but if something random that we didn't plan happens, we're at its mercy just like everyone else. The rules are very complicated.

You know, you fanfic characters are extremely ungrateful and ununderstanding. We authors have lives just like you, and sometimes it's tough getting out of these random traps! It's just...so hard! We're normal people who just like writing, and sometimes we get stuck...and then we're bashed! We're just trying our best! Her chin trembling from trying not to cry, Rei turned away after her little speech.

Laigle and Feuilly both had tears in their eyes, and Jehan was sobbing his eyes out on Enjolras' shoulder. Even the Fearless Leader looked a bit moved. After sniffling over her misfortune, Rei went back to fiddling with her rings. Laigle gave Andi a questioning look.

There's one more twist, explained Andi, taking over again after wiping her eyes. She held up her own hand to show the rings there. These rings were given to me... er - She looked to Rei. To us... to me... us...me? Looking confused, she shook her head. Anyway, we've got them so that we can move from place to place easily. The places we go to are real, y'see, and looked over by God, so we need a slightly flashier way to get around. We can't simply write ourselves everywhere. And in Hell and Heaven, no writing can take place. We've simply got to live with everything like... She gulped. Like you guys.

Jehan looked terrified. "Y...Y'mean we're stuck in the worst possible place, the very center of torture, with two hopeless authors who can't help us at all?"

I resent that!!! Yes, pretty much, said Andi and Rei at the same time. Rei grinned and elaborated. Well, I wouldn't exactly go that far...we've still got our rings. But it's hard to work the ringspell in Heaven and Hell...and don't get me started on moving through times!

"Is that why it took you so long to get US over here?" inquired Enjolras.

Rei squealed and flung her arms around Enjolras' neck. The revolutionary winced. Yep, that was it, but it was sooo worth it, Enjie darling!

Andi glared at her double. Pulling Rei off of Enjie, she chided, Now get back to your ring problem, and proceeded to pounce on Enjie herself. Jehan and Laigle sweatdropped.

"Hoi, Andi?" Both Andi and Rei turned, Rei turning back to her rings when she noticed that Feuilly was talking to her double.

Yes, Feuilly?

"These rings...they're an author thing?" Andi nodded. "But Mori doesn't have them...if you get the rings as a power, what does Mori get?"

Rei snorted loudly at this, and Andi stifled a huge grin. Oh, you'll see...you must ask her about it sometimes!

~

__

"What IS your authorly power, then?" Courfeyrac asked curiously. "And where'd 'Ferre go?"

The latter went to look for Andi, but came back to hear about her group...he was here a few seconds ago, must have left to look for her again. Mori grinned secretly, brushing her hair from her face. And you'll see...just keep listening...

~

Mori sighed and put on a face of mock despair. Oh, please let me down. These ropes are cutting into my skin, and I won't be able to do anything if I'm bound.

"Alright," Combeferre said, getting up and cutting the ropes neatly with the knife. "We were planning to all along, anyway. What do you think the knives were for?"

You know me too well, Mori said coldly, rolling her eyes. Thank you. She reluctantly fished a key out of her pocket, and twisted it in a lock that hung from the glass cage. Joly #2, hands red from beating against the glass, stumbled out and fell upon the grass. The real Joly let out a scream and hid behind Bahorel, who grunted but did not move. Mori glared at Joly. We can't afford to have distractions now. Get used to it.

Joly #2 was staring at his hands in horror. "It'll get infected!...Mori? Mori?"

Said author groaned, and Joly #2's hands were back to normal in a matter of seconds. So, can we get down to business? There's something I haven't told you.

"What, you've secretly developed the black plague and are just waiting for the perfect moment to pass it on to the rest of us?" Joly asked sarcastically.

Exactly.

Joly screamed again.

Oh please, I was joking! One more scream, and you'll regret it for a year...

"Well, what is it?"

You see, there are certain powers bestowed upon the Authors. Mine is—

"WHAT?!?!?" Bahorel burst out. "We've been stuck here all this time, and you decide to tell us now?! You lying filth; if you didn't have the power to bring him—er, us home, you'd have been better off dead."

Mori crossed her arms and waited for Bahorel to calm down, before she continued. As I was saying, I have the power to... erm... well, my muse didn't tell me what it does. She produced an amulet from her pocket, a dull blood-red one that hung on two black twisted threads. Red, the blood of angry men! Black, the dark of ages past!

~

__

"I thought you didn't want any distractions," Courfeyrac snorted, patting Mori on the shoulder. Mori shoved his arm away good-naturedly.

Don't rob me of my crazy moments.

"As if you can't spare them – there's ever so many."

Mori grinned, stuck her tongue out, and turned back to the parchment.

~

"You mean you don't know?"

No, of course not. I'm not one to take advantage of my powers, and Second Authors are generally overlooked. No one ever tells me things.

"Awww, poor Mori!" Joly said, grinning, and gave her a hug.

She smirked. You know, what if I have the 'Foofoo disease'?

Joly let go of her as if she were a slice of moldy bread. "Why didn't you inform me of this?!" A memory struck him. "Wait— 'Ferre is ill!" He spun on said revolutionary. "What are you doing walking and living like a healthy man?! You're supposed to be in bed." Out of nowhere, a white hospital bed appeared, and Joly coaxed the very disturbed and protesting Combeferre ("I am a man! No worse than any man!") into it.

Unnerved by the apparent indifference of the hypochondriac, Combeferre persisted, "Joly, I tell you, I am well!" and clambered over the bed to hide behind a tree. The other Joly looked up from his pocket-mirror, dropped it, and jumped to his feet.

"Come back here! You shouldn't be running around."

Mori shrugged and tied the amulet around her neck. The only way to find out what it does is to test it out, eh? She sat down and buried her head in her arms, trying to free her mind of all the noise. After all, an author needs absolute concentration before using one of her Almighty Powers, lest it go wrong. Especially when she had no idea what was supposed to happen.

~

__

"In other words," inquired Enjolras, "you got stuck?"

No, of course not. I just don't like rushing things. Mori smiled.

"Well, look what it got us!" he gestured around him, at the bleak, grey place they were in.

Shh, don't give away the plot.

"What plot?"

Mori couldn't help but laugh. Actually, this is one of the first fics Andi and I have co-written that actually DOES have a plot. Traces of one, at least...


End file.
